I wrote this on Monday, Nov. 9th re: post-election depression/letdown (I’m personally relieved, but I’m seeing a lot of it around, and it’s an emotion that I think I understand):

In these post-election days, I think some of you may be experiencing similar things to what I went through 6 years ago post-cancer treatment, so I’m going to talk about that.

Throat cancer treatment can be rough. I starved and had clinical levels of pain, and every bit of the little energy and focus I had was taken up in getting through it successfully. And the whole of my future narrowed down to a cramped tunnel which might or might not close off.

When I finished treatment, I was a wreck. Some of the side effects were not only going to persist but worsen for the next few weeks. Yet the staff at the hospital congratulated me on being a cancer survivor. Instead of the cheers you might imagine for such a moment, I looked at the wasteland of my body and life and wondered what the hell “survivor” even meant.

But there was also another, subtler problem. As the weeks passed, it was clear that that narrow tunnel of the future had exploded outward with time and possibility. So I had another question: “Well, WTF do I do now?” That’s also not the happy thought you might imagine it to be.

As a nation, we got our cancer diagnosis 4 very long years ago and have had a long and painful treatment. For me, this has been worse than my own illness. And now, as we look about at our damaged institutions and mores, we’re told that we have won. So, we wonder what that means. And we see the time and possibilities that this victory gives us as a nation and individuals and wonder what can and should we do now.

This letdown is going to depress some of us. But I also think it helps to realize that this is a normal and even rational response. We haven’t had time to mourn our losses. So mourn them. And we’re under no obligation to be grateful for our own and the nation’s mere survival. There’s no obligation to count ourselves lucky. This remains a very dubious timeline. But there is more work to be done when we’re rested and ready. If anything, the value of our efforts as individuals will go up during the midterms and other less national and less immediately existential contests.

I hope the recognition of the complexity of this moment emotionally is helpful to some. We’re not alone, and this too will pass.